Recently, my 8-year-old Russian Blue, Loki became very sick, very quickly. I had shared the news with updates on a GoFundMe fundraiser I made, but unfortunately, his time still came to an end. If only love could have been enough to save him…

Loki came into my life with big pawprints to fill. After less than a year of losing Crow, Loki was found by my friend as a small and sick 4-week-old stray kitten. His time was limited then, but he was given a second chance at life because my friend brought him to me. I was honestly hesitant at first because I feel like I hadn't mourned long enough for Crow -- like I was cheating on him in a way. But the moment I saw Loki in person and held his tiny body, I knew this was the start of something new and beautiful. We both needed each other more than we knew.
For a long time I compared Loki to Crow: social but independent, mischievous but so incredibly sweet. And while they had similarities, Loki was entirely his own. Those big pawprints he had to fill were filled with mits. It's like he knew his job was to fill that void in my heart, and he did it so well. He showed the true unconditional love that pets give. He knew I was his mommy and was always meant to be. He imprinted on

Loki had been through so many obstacles and milestones in my life. He got me through some of the hardest times of my life, and he was there when I got married and we both went from being Astorino's to Gregg's. He went through three moves with me: out of my parents house to Alexandria, back to my parents house for a year, and then into our home in Burke. I couldn't help but notice the irony that the first neighborhood I had Crow in was Loki's last, and the last home I had Crow in was Loki's first. Both of my boys proved to be kings of the neighborhoods. Everyone knew them by name and I always felt safe sending them outside, knowing that I had friendly eyes watching over them. Loki was kept inside most of his life, but was always meant to prawl in the wilderness by day and snuggle with me in bed by night.
"Kneading dough" and "baking buscuits" was a true talent of his. If you ever wanted a deep tissue massage, he always knew how to knead those knots out of my neck. It was ALWAYS my neck he massaged, and he always had to share my pillow with me or cuddle under the blankets and be Little Spoon so I could rub his belly while he purred against my chest. He would stay there almost all night. These were things that Crow rarely did and was easily something that made him fill those pawprints the

As much as Alex joked about "not liking cats" I know they also built a super special bond together. The amount of times I caught them snuggling together in a bed or on a couch would be embarrassing for Alex, but I know he loved Loki and Loki loved Alex as much as he loved me. He loved both of our kids before they were even born. The only times he massaged any other part of my body was when I was pregnant with my kids. He knew they were there and was the best big brother to them. Any normal cat would have run away from kids stomping towards them or slap-petting them. But Loki stayed, never hissed, bit or swatted. At the most he would make a face. And when the kids were calm, Loki would purr, massage, and give love nudges to them, just like he would do with me. And the love was mutual. Our children loved Loki. He showed them what unconditional love from a pet is like, and I pray they never forget it, despite how young they are. I think the hardest thing will be whenever our daughter hears the Ring chime go off, I know she'll say "Loki's back!". We had a stick-up Ring camera outside so I would know when Loki came to the back door -- we called it the "Loki Cam" and was the only reason I kept my volume on on my phone; so he never had to stay out in the cold too long.

He did have his mischievous moments! He was spiteful only twice in our house before we started letting him out, but it was never on anything that was hard to clean. After we gave him what he wanted (freedom outside) he was an absolute angel. Even when he began to feel sick and became too weak to go outside anymore, he never let himself have accidents. He always reserved enough energy to make it to the litter box and not let any messes happen.
I know there is so much more I can say about him and how wonderful of a cat he was, and I thank you for even reading this much, but I will close with this:
When the time came, I knew he saved every last bit of energy to let us all know how much he loves us. When I came downstairs the morning after his last emergency trip, he wasn't in any of his normal spots, so I was afraid he was in the basement and not feeling well again. After settling our son down in his highchair for breakfast, Loki emerged from the basement with a surprising amount of energy. It gave me hope that I had more time than I initially thought when I came downstairs. He was chirpy, purring, and giving those precious love nudges. Alex came downstairs with our daughter moments later, and he gave them the same love and attention. Normally this meant he was hungry, so I offered him some food, snacks, anything that would be satisfying to him. He declined all of it. After spending some time with all of us together, he retreated to the basement and made himself cozy on the blanket that was settled by the pregnancy pillow I used for both pregnancies. He used to occupy the cavity of the pregnancy pillow when I wasn't using it during those pregnancies.
By noon his labored breathing had returned and I knew it was time. For already returning to that same state he was in less than 12 hours before, I knew it was too aggressive for him to hang on too much longer. My baby was suffering and I couldn't let him stay in that

My mom came to check on him unexpectedly, but ended up being more help than I was ready for. (Literally, as I'm writing this, my daughter ran to the back door and said "Oh no, where's Loki?") Alex brought our daughter home from school and we had her say goodbye to him and explained that he will be going to Kitty Heaven and won't be coming back home. Without being too repetitive, we tried our best to make her understand so hopefully her heartache isn't as great as ours. I know she'll be confused for a little while, as this is her first experience with loss and she's just old enough to really start to understand it.
I can't say I even understand it. Why did he have to go so soon and so suddenly?
I know my sister loved Loki very much too, so I made sure she got to say one last goodbye over FaceTime on our way to the animal hospital. I know it wasn't how she wanted to say goodbye, but he was too important to her to not at least get that chance, too.
My mom was with me in the room for those final moments. Just like we were with Crow. But this time, unlike with Crow, I was actually able to hold him for his final breath. While he rested his head on my arm and I thanked him for all of the memories, all of the drool, massages, and best all, all of the love for me and the family, he passed away. I didn't realize until afterward that he was looking up at me the whole time, and I could even see a little smile on his face. His sweet little face he used to let me cup to give him kisses on his little nose.
I'm going to miss him so much. I know that to most people he just seemed like a regular house cat. But he was so much more than that. He was family, and sometimes even better family then us humans because he didn't argue, talk-back, or order anyone around. He was a simple kitty that only wanted to show love and be loved. I am blessed to have had him in my life for even just half the time that I had Crow. I'm forever grateful for my friend that found him and brought him to me. All he had was a little collar she made for him and a little bluejay cat toy. While he outgrew that collar years ago, I kept that and the bluejay. The bluejay became a favorite item for my daughter to put in her purse, but I brought it with Loki on his last car ride. It always served as a reminder of where he came from and how far he's come.
I will never forget him and what a blessing he was to me and my family. I know this first year will be so hard, but the sting of loss will go away with time, but never the

Thank you all again for the support over the last couple of weeks. It's been so hard, but I know he's in a better place now. I did my best to be the best mommy to him and give him a much longer life than he was meant to have. And thank you to Hope Advanced Veterinary Center for doing everything they could to help him and my family. I only wish they could have known him at his best instead of his worst. But even in his last days, I was told he was the sweetest kitty. I’m not surprised.
Anyway, for the last time, goodbye my Loki Alexander Gregg. Little Loki. My Sweet. "Moki". Until we meet again, rest easy 💙🐈⬛
